Stolen: Metallics by WillQ

February 10, 2010 at 08:44 (My takeaways, Random)

I read this last night and couldn’t help stealing it to be shared … and remembered. Sad but true, I need a new head – new body and new heart …

Enjoy :)

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Be still my heart.
My flesh can be, should be, will be,
No more.
For flesh can feel, can touch, can burn.
Replace me, translate me, make me anew.

A new head.
From copper, that shines though I’m sad.
A brain of wire that does not dream dreams of you.
Eyes of glass that do not see you when you’re not there.
A nose of brass that cannot smell the scents that remind me of you.
And me.
And us.

A new body.
Of chrome, that cannot tarnish from tears and tiredness.
A spine of iron, that will not bend to you.
Nerves of steel, that will not shatter.
Skin of titanium, so thick it cannot be pierced.
Or scarred.
Or felt.

A new heart.
Of stone, for gold has proven useless.
One that cannot bend when pressed.
One that cannot break when hurt.
One that cannot melt in the flames of passion.
Or wither in the embers of hate.
Or glow with love.

Make me anew.
As a machine.
Ever working, ever moving,
Never feeling, never moved.
And let me throw that switch
Which will
Still my heart.
For you. For me.

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Playing peek-a-boo with rainbows and sunshine

February 9, 2010 at 22:41 (Within the 'Vong's, Work, piggie boo)

So, work’s been kind of shit lately … I mean, someone telling you to do work early on a Monday morning and that it’s due on Tuesday is a real killer! Especially when you’ve tons of other things to do and you really don’t need such surprises to spring themselves onto you … it’s not like I’m saying “no” to work (when I really should!) but just because you’re bogged down with something doesn’t mean you shake it off to someone else!! and so suddenly on top of that, duh – we need to plan our time right? what if I had another deadline to meet or whatever? how can I say “no”? plus they always use those “but you’re so fast and efficient .. and this exercise is really easy” lines on you … well, you’re at a more senior level than me, of course you should be faster and more efficient right?!? and if the exercise is really easy, it’ll take you less time to do it than for me to do it … so if you complain you’ve lack of time, maybe I can share with you where I buy ‘time’ off the black market …

*frustrated sigh*

anyway, after staying up to 2.45am to finish the piece of work, I wasn’t even praised for being fast or dedicated to burn the midnight oil (it’s like I’m expected to!) and since there was minimal amendments to be made, I was actually quite pleased with what I’ve done … instead, all came crashing down!! I was told that since it was so easy “cut and paste” type, I should NOT be making mistakes … in short, what I delivered and in the time frame I delivered it was EXPECTED of me!! Talk about ungrateful peeps, I’m feeling taken for granted …

WTF!

Whatever la, I just wanted to get that out of my system!! I’m better than them (keeps telling myself that!) :)

okayz, so my sis and I were desperately looking for a restaurant for our CNY reunion dinner … yeah yeah, I know. Shouldn’t have left it to such a last minute but seriously busy wei … so when we started calling all possible decent places, we were met with disappointment after disappointment!! each and every place was full!!! OMG! I could nearly die man … so we went to 2nd tier, bracing ourselves that we might have to just settle for Tai Thong or Overseas :( so thank God, Damansara Palace could house us and they asked for a deposit – more than willing …

so when I met up with piggie boo last night at the Curve, he was kind enough to bring me a lil way up to put that deposit down for dinner! :) that way, total peace of mind … not exactly my first choice seeing that I really wanted Reunion or Grand Imperial – gah!! but still, must be happy … hehehe … then after that, we went to Rock Corner @ the Curve to check out tickets to Tom Jones performance. My mum really wanted to see him, so we thought “birthday present” lo … but tickets freaking expensive okayz!!! finally decided on the RM288 ones and bought two – so my sis will be going with my mum … *yay* that’s the 2 rays of sunshine in my bleak cloudy days so far …

dinner with piggie boo was very the usual … I had so much fun telling him about Sammie’s “disastrous” wedding :P hehehe .. damn bad hor me? and yeah, I’m feeling like maybe I’m really on the road to recovery :) yay me!! one more year … baby steps, if not, I’ll suffer another relapse again :P hehehe …

then today, went for “sau kung” lunch with my girls @ Bibi Chik …. si tai poh couldn’t make it, so it was just the 9 of us!! Too much food, seriously :P hehehe … but good to be away from the office :D

C’mon sunshine … make more grand appearances!! :D

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Just for the heck of it

February 9, 2010 at 01:47 (Random)

Can you believe that I survived a day in the office without logging onto FB?!? hehehe … Well, ’cause I was just too darn occupied with vomitting CP 22 :P

Anyway, when I logged on earlier, I saw a message from Loong, “check out www.urbandictionary.com and look up your name. I guarantee it’s going to give you the laughs and you’ll be looking up almost every name you can think of!”

so that’s what I did … and here are my [laughable] results – haha

Melissa is a Greek name.
In Greek, it means “honey bee.”
In Persian, it means “red rose.”
The feminine version of “Melisseus”, legendary “King of Crete.”
In mythology, it is the name of a princess of Crete who was changed into a bee after she learned to collect honey.
Melissa is a princess name.

Hottest girl in the known universe
likes taking it from behind

A very beautiful person inside and out.
Will always make you laugh and give you a hug before you even know you need one!
Can be some what blunt. But at least you know she is truthful. Very sweet and easy to talk to. Loves the colour pink and loves her family more than anything else!
High morals. She sets her own ground.

a girl, who takes life as it comes,has relationship issues and falls in love easily.

Absolutely, without a doubt beautiful.
A person everyone loves and cares for.
A girl with breath taking eyes, Eyes you could stare into forever and never tired of.

Melissa is the coolest kid that has EVER graced the Earth. Most Melissas are ridiculously attractive and have many a boys wishing to bang them, crazy cowboy style. Melissas are also very generous and caring, often times taking care of their overly wasted friends, who while are entertaining, are prone to running away and getting searched by police. Melissas are also intensly smart and their brain power is like superheroic. COOL BEANS :)
A Melissa is one of the best things anyone could ever have, like ever.

A super cool chick who has awesome hair. She also has great purses. Always makes people laugh

The kind of girl who has beautiful eyes. And is super beautiful. There aren’t any guys who don’t think she is. She loves long relationships and wants to fall in love with the right person. Is very caring, and will never hurt you. She may make mistakes, but in the long run, she is the best thing you will ever have.

an amazing girl, super pretty, gorgeous, BEAUTIFUL
tends to fall for assholes,
could have any guy but she doesn’t know it,
has problems admitting her true feelings towards others,
tends to be in denial at times, could be depressed at times,
but most of the time she is super outgoing,really nice and very talkative
many guys think about seducing her but she can only kiss guys she likes, so if she doesn’t like you like that.. good luck getting a peck out of her
shes scared of commitment, rejection, the truth and love
shes scared to fall in love even when shes already in love
she also tends to overthink things, and cant make up her mind wether to blame herself or him…she usually takes the blame in the end

Someone who is really blunt, but will tell you the truth, no matter what the circumstances. Someone who likes to go shopping, eat a lot, sleep

okayz, I don’t know about all the “beautiful” parts but who says you need your horoscopes or a freaking fortune teller to tell you about yourself?!? It’s eerie how some of these stuffs ring true … I mean, they are supposed to be people’s description of any “Melissa” they know and it’s just spooky to think that there is a Melissa out there who is somewhat like you – God knows how many Melissa there is on this earth!!

*shudders*

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eeekk … embarassing-nye

February 5, 2010 at 23:39 (Random, Work)

One post before, I was saying that I don’t re-read my published posts until … ummms, well, when I’m in one of those black vacummed moods or when I’m trying to search for something that I’ve previously thought of (well, the words here are reflections of my [then] thoughts) or whatever it is that will make me re-read them … but bottom line is, I don’t usually do it! Today, I realised that I should do it :P or at least I should proof read them before I click “publish” …

… ’cause earlier, I started re-reading MORE of my posts and I realised that eeeek, there were quite a fair bit of spelling errors and at many a times, my grammar went haywired :P hahahaha … I don’t know but I felt real embarassed lo :P hahaha … okayz, then I told Loong and he was like, “you stupid or what? I thought you said that your blog is just like your personal diary? so why do you care whether you have impeccable spelling and grammar or not? You’re the only one who’s reading it … and maybe your friends … and maybe a few occasional strangers that somehow stumbled upon your blog! but who the hell cares? You’re not writing an award-winning blog and it’s not going to be published in the newspaper!! plus you usually just type away at your keyboard, like as if you’re intending of putting as much holes through it as possible, when you’re writing a post because you’re just typing what you feel, raw emotions and of course you can’t stop and think whether a word has ‘double T’ or needs an ‘S’ … the more mistakes you make, the more genuine your post becomes!”

ummms okayz … I wasn’t expecting a lecture on this but errr … I was just randomly ranting and I just felt a tad embarassed, like if stumbling strangers were to read my blog and they stereotype me as some Cina-fied girl who can’t write or speak English properly or something … okayz la, whatever!! :P

anyway, another embarassing thing happened to me today …

after our 11.30am conference call, si tai poh just mumbled something (which of course I couldn’t hear) and all I caught was something about calling Carol … and I was puzzled, but si mou just shoved me out of the door and we both went to call Carol (who actually sits just around the corner) and Carol was equally blur why si tai poh would call her … and somehow there was a slight commotion at that corner between si tai poh and Carol’s room. Then the next thing I knew, we were being hurried to go for lunch and si tai poh was driving, ’cause she has a newwww car :D I’ve never sat in her car before, or in a car that she drives and it was a bit anxiety-made-me-talk-crap kind of feel … anyway, we were trying to adjust the seats and all that … and after that I climbed in over to the other side of the back seat (behind the driver) – okayz, so I don’t sit in the car and move over to the other side by inching across – know what I mean?!? what I do is climb in, so my knees are on the ‘first’ seat and I kind of like flip my body over, so by the time I land on my designated seat, my legs are kind of curled up under me and my back will face the other door – get me? so somehow when I was doing that, by the time I sat down, Carol was saying something and so was si mou and there was like some conversation commotion going on which deaf me tried to strain my ears to hear every word when SUDDENLY, I felt something touch my back and when I turned around, I saw the door was opened and si tai poh was like fiddling with my seat or something but it startled me, and startled me real bad that I SHRIEKED so goddamn loudly and I think I gave all the passengers in the car a good scare (and a good laugh, thereafter!) WTFFFF … okayz, maybe it doesn’t sound so funny or embarassing now, but trust me!! it was … but then again, I’m always the drama queen :P hehehehe …

then after lunch, when we wanted to get into the car to go back to the office, si tai poh had a bit of a tight squeeze to get her car out of the middle parallel parking spot … so it was the reverse back and forth kind but tight la … then she did something I would have never imagined!!! she went back into the lunch venue and she asked for the owner of the car behind her to come out to remove his car, so that she can get out of the spot!!! OMG!!! I was quite embarassed lo ’cause I would never do it. I think only she can pull it off lo … I wouldn’t have dared to le, I would probably just reverse back and forth, back and forth or do whatever it takes, curse – swear, until I get myself out of that spot!!! But whoa, you gotta admire her guts man!! ;)

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I think I’m losing sight of myself

February 4, 2010 at 00:34 (My takeaways, What I read, Within the 'Vong's, Work)

Something’s wrong with me again – I don’t know what sparked it off but I seriously think I need help sometimes, there’s something seriously wrong with me …

I just reread one of my earlier posts and as sick as it sounds, I kind of like what I wrote. You know, most of the time when I’m writing a post, I don’t think twice or whatever. I just write and write and write … so the words that are typed is the most current reflection of what my thoughts are at that moment! sometimes you don’t really know how you sound or what it looks like, ’cause I don’t really go back and read what I write … I just pour them out and that’s it, chapter close.

But this time I went back to reread … ’cause that’s just how I’m feeling again right now :(

Everything’s bleak around me and everything seems to be falling apart. I’m losing control of myself. Again, I got so angry at my sister … so angry that it scared me to hear myself shriek at the top of my lungs, I could actually feel all the energy and negative vibes channeling through me and out of me. It scared me to know that I could actually lose control just like that … but I was really so angry at my sis, so so so so angry. I know it’s not the first time, won’t be the last but I just couldn’t help feeling angry. I don’t even want to go through why I’m angry with her this time ’cause it’s always the same goddamn issue!!! And it only needs something really small to spark the fire … I’m not proud of myself, but I’m really very frustrated, upset and disappointed … I know some people say I bring it upon myself, like maybe I should leave my sister alone, stop caring, walk out, leave her hanging … whatever, just stop bothering! I know I should probably do that to save my life and not waste my breath but I can’t do it … how do you stop caring? how do you not bother? but she makes me so utterly frustrated …

That’s all I want really, for my sis to grow up. That’s my only prayer, my only wish … I hope God knows how much I need this, it’s not a materialistic wish, not something tangible, not something harmful – why doesn’t He hear me? why can’t He just grant me this much? If He has never heard me, not in the past 28 years of my life, please hear me now … if never at all, please, just this once. That’s all I ask …

I feel like a battered and bruised doll … one with missing eyes and cotton coming out of my broken seams. One that has a stained leg and a patched up arm.

I don’t know how much I can take anymore. Work’s been a bitch, but that’s expected – it’s peak filing period right now … but please, can the work stop? it’s one advisory after another … and si tai poh is always asking us to give to her on Friday, so that she has the weekend to review. But please, we need the weekend to work on it, you know! Haihhh … I’ve been trailing, way behind mark nowadays. It’s just not up to my usual standard … emails are delayed, I’m always apologising – WTF! My review’s gone haywired … I’m tired. I’m suffering from lack of sleep and my mind tends to wander. We had a discussion this morning – on a corporate tax deductions and Beng was going on and on about debit credit while I tried to show a look of understanding without appearing blur!! It was difficult … but it was more difficult to admit that I know shit about what he’s saying. Heck, I don’t even know the logic behind a debit / credit transaction!! It’s all pig Latin to me and I struggled this morning … I struggled more when I had to answer an email with all the knowledge imparted from Beng. My head hurts from trying to figure it out; by reading some slides and memo that Beng forwarded, supposedly in layman terms but I swear with all honesty, it didn’t make hell of any sense to me!!! But I drafted the email reply anyway … it’s just a matter of time before my si tai poh will finally come to realisation that my technical skills are zilch and how I got this far is a pure miracle :|

I need work motivation to come back! I need some work cheer! something to look forward to and turn myself around …

I don’t know what I’m in for anymore. I get so emotional these days; I cry at the littlest of things and nothing but the past occupies my mind … and of course, the tears come too easily once again. I’m reading this book by Mitch Albom – Have a Little Faith … I’m taking it slow. Sometimes, a chapter is all I can read and digest, then I put the book away for another time when I feel much braver. The tears come so easily when I read this book, any sentence could trigger it … that’s how much I like the book!!

I feel like dying again but I’m still scared. I know I’ll never be a suicide case! But I suddenly crave to meet with an accident … like I seem to have forgotten, what is like to hurt again? To feel pain? I pinch myself sometimes but the numbness is too much to break. Why don’t I collapse at work? Why don’t I faint in a crowded lift? Why don’t I understeer / oversteer and maybe ride off the divider?

Why doesn’t time just stop?

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